Meryl Mägi

SELF-REFLECTION MONDAY




Dress & boots from NA-KD



Some beautiful but completely forgotten photos from Summer18. My girl Helena asked me a month ago where these photos had disappeared and I'm so glad she reminded me of them, because I absolutely adore them. Major summer feels in the middle of the cold! The reason I forgot to publish them was because I wanted to wait until NA-KD puts the dress up on their website but they never did so I couldn't link the dress for you guys. I hope the design comes on sale for this Summer because the dress is absolutely stunning!! Made for twirling on a field with a sunset to be cheesy about it.

I've been thinking a lot about last Summer because I felt genuine happiness throughout it. The weather was more than anyone could ask for, I was in Norway making new great friends and spending days outdoors and driving around nature with my boyfriend. I watched football in the sun on weekends and blogging and photo taking was so fun with these beautiful sunsets everyday. The point is that I had little worries and felt like I fulfilled my days with enjoyment, but I don't feel that unworried right now somehow. Nothing is bad don't get me wrong and I am sure Summer this year is gonna be happy again since you know it's Summer, but I've started to feel like I need more. Since I moved to Poland with my boyfrriend last month, I got a little bit tired of blogging but not here but on Instagram to be precise. It started with the new algorithm being absolutely unfair and my likes and reach dropping almost 50% which made me feel really bad and not because I could care about who and how much likes me (when you start caring about that then delete the app now!) but actually what it gave out to the brands I worked with. For them I wanted more because I LOVE brands I work with and I want the best reach for them and Instagram didn't give me that at all in the way it was before. My photos and feed have gone better, I've started to be more active and my followers as well (thanks dears!!!) but Instagram keeps throwing me back. This was for one, of course I started to reconsider what's important to show for brands and kept working hard on my content and what I want to put out, but another thing was staying in Estonia for too long.
I have no idea why young people have been really evil about anything that comes to fashion bloggers or Instagram stuff. I endured so much mocking, laughing, photos titled in a sarcastic way and people asking me and my friends really agressive questions like "wow I thought you'd be something so much more than you are now, sitting on Instagram and stuff". It's been REAL UGLY let's face it. And I know it's not only bloggers who have to listen how stupid they are and how they should get an education and go to work because they don't sit in an office right now (I just was there). Most Estonian bloggers have degrees and work and some don't need to work, but to be honest why is this your business? I think blogging is for such a narrow segment of people interested in what the blogger has to show or say that the rest who are not interested shouldn't even worry they have to see or listen to them at all? I've come to understand that if you try to do something that is "new" or "different" or not so "mainstream" in Estonia, then you are laughed at automatically and it's very sad that this is done my young people. I know I shouldn't care but this adds up to unmotivate people to do what they love you know? I consider blogging an useful hobby but no one has the right to comment that in such a mocking way regardless what it is or means to me. 

So with all the negativity recently of course I keep going, no one can stop me from doing what I like, but I realized I was thinking too much about it. I have another job which is also with social media only (and writing articles and newsletters), but I was sure I needed more outside my computer. I am not the type to feel relaxed when I have nothing to do for half a day and I love to keep myself busy which is why I hoped for an internship for my university degree or with fashion, but it's pretty difficult in Poland, where I don't speak the language at all. So I will look into that in June when we probably leave Poland for a new place. I am still waiting for university results for some time and uni itself starts in Autumn, so it's a long time until then too. I took up a training routine as a first to keep myself busy with getting in shape for Summer and move a little more. I figured I have so many long-term goals and thoughts that cannot happen right now, so I needed to change my mindset so much. I need something next to blogging right now, so I decided to start now. SO I am going to start taking multiple internet courses to learn about things I haven't learned at school or uni or in life yet (e.g investment and marketing outside social media) and it's been the best idea. I can keep myself really busy when I want to while having my hands free to enjoy time in Poland when I want to. I value the fact that I get to live in so many countries with my footballer boyfriend so much that I want to see and experience everything to grasp differences and broaden my view on ways of life, so I want to have time for that as well while preparing for future. A lot of girls who are together with their footballer boyfriends start their career once their other half has ended theirs and I feel like I need to start preparing for this faster and sooner with legit courses for me and papersof them to show. 

Due to all these things I've been thinking about, I think I have to reconsider the value and amount of my collaborations. I love my current collaborations and I am sure I will love my new ones and I am sure I will always be the one to give more than I get, but that "get" part needs a reconsideration. I am also very happy over my feed as I started to be more "artsy" and share things I find beautiful in daily life and hope it makes my feed more appealing to people interested. In addition, I will have to share my posts more and more when I get there and invest more into it, because it's a fun world I don't feel like backing out of yet. I would just hope for more happiness for people who feel like they need to put down others. I have been very open in this post and that's partially due to the fact that me and my friends have heard unpleasant things and I just want you to know I am a young woman still figuring out what I truly want and how I could prepare for my future dreams while travelling the world with my boyfriend and I don't need this negativity around me and I am thankful I have a place to go away from it (since I can ignore it all on social media very well when I want to). Anyway it's been a blabla bla here and I didn't edit any of that, it came from my late night thoughts and I wanna be open with you about how I feel sometimes too. I am excited for the super good changes I've made for myself until at least June and excited to see what the future holds! 

 

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